Question about food additives and fecal discomfort?

Lets just start off by saying I am used to the most spicy of foods. Chili, Curries, anything. Now I recently consumed a packet of Hot Ramen noodles, of which the only spicy ingredients were chili powder and garlic. It also contained MSG and some red food colorings unknown to me. I ate it, and it wasn't really spicy. Soon afterwords, I got severe stomach discomfort and had to p gas all the time, I felt nauseous, and soon I was having the urge to p stool. I went to the restroom, I strained and strained, but nothing would come out except more gas a burning (as in, it burned inside my rectum) hot slimy substance, slightly brownish in color but transparent. My guts felt like they were on fire. I eventually managed to p some mushy stool, which I collected in a tupperware. It hurt very badly coming out, like gl cutting my belly! It had a strange texture, it was smooth but it seemed to have bubbles all through it. So I decided an experiment -keep reading, I'm absolutely not kidding around here, I'm in pain and confused- to set the stool on fire. Just as I suspected, the stool burst into flame as I was setting on fire lamp oil soaked paper! It popped and crackled and spread a synthetic like odor. I guess the "bubbles" were small gas pockets inside the stool. I now constantly have to p gas and(both the "bubbly mushy" and "hot slime" stools, I have considerable pain in my stomach and my rectal area burns, I'm almost calling an ambulance because the pain and spasmic straining is making me go insane. What could have done this? Why do my stool burn like fuel, why does it hurt? Could it be the food additive I can't believe garlic and chili power can do this painfulness to the abdomen! What is happening to me, should I get help, what can I do to relieve pain and the constant gas and painful stools?